Confession time...I've been in a funk.
Or at least that's what I've been calling it in my own mind. I know I'm not alone; I know others have been in this same slump I've found myself in. Especially those who create art or content, or make a living as a creative.
I think as an artist I often struggle with feeling inadequate. I've surrounded myself with things and people that I've intended to help inspire me, only to find that it's all left me feeling like less in the end.
And you know what? I *know* I'm not "less;" but sometimes I simply can't help but feel that way. It's not those "things" and people at fault for making me feel this way instead of being inspired, that's all on me. It's up to me to keep my mind open and heart full, no one else.
Sometimes I sit here and I stare at an image that I already carefully selected and have shared online, but most times, I'll admit, that I'm not staring out of admiration. I'm staring at all of the things I could have and should have done differently.
"I should have feathered my light a little more."
"I should have had her rest her hand there instead of where it is now."
"I should have used a lower aperture in this shot."
"I should have spent 5 more minutes making sure Baby's fingers were straight under her chin."
"I should have used my 85mm for this shot."
I should have. I should have. I should have.
But I didn't. And I can't change those things in the images I've already taken and delivered.
But you know what I can do? Instead of interpreting all of those "should-haves" as weaknesses, I can start seeing them as strengths.
Strengths, because I have the power to take those mistakes and turn them into improvements. Next time I'm going to lower my f-stop to make sure that bokeh is spot on. I'm going to make sure those fingers are as straight as can be. I'm going to be sure that my light is right where it needs to be.
Instead of feeling such a lack of inspiration and "in a funk" because I've failed to find it in the things around me, I'm opening my eyes to see that I truly can be my own inspiration simply by recognizing what I have the power to do going forward. And don't get me wrong, a lot of my daily inspiration and drive lies within my children, my husband, my family and friends, but sometimes you need to find a new spark to ignite the fire within you again.
I sometimes forget that this hobby-turned-career of mine should not be taken for granted. This is a gift that I've been given to change lives with. You know, to some people, this camera in my hands is just that, a camera. But to me and to some, this camera is a life-changer and a memory-maker; It's a time-freezer, and a tear-jerker. It's a straight up super power. And I think I'm just now realizing as I write this... That I had actually forgotten just how much of an impact I can truly make on people's lives with this gift I've been given, including my own.
I've come so far, I just need to open my eyes.